Now that the regular legislative session is over, it is time to award the best and worst among us. The red carpet has been rolled out, the photographers are here and 34 Senators are sitting in breathless anticipation, hoping to hear their name.

Every award ceremony must have a comedian and this year we have Hiram Lewis. Is he funny? Not really, but he desperately believes he is. In a press release issued on Monday, Hiram fancies himself witty:

“John Raese and Hiram Lewis both spoke Saturday night at the Morgan County Republican Club’s Annual Lincoln Day Dinner. John took the stage first, but while approaching the podium, he accidently [sic] knocked down a potted tree. Lewis referred to John’s trip-up by joking, ‘Now that John has cleared the way, I will try not to knock down any bushes.’”

Making fun of your opponent for personal gain is something a candidate for High School Chairman of the Yearbook Committee would do. Especially when you misspell “accidentally.” But Hiram isn’t finished with his sophomoric denigration yet; he continues to criticize this highly successful businessman and multimillionaire and mocks his education:

“Lewis also took a slight jab at Raese’s educational background and comments about his father winning the national championship while coaching West Virginia’s basketball team in 1942. Lewis said, ‘John, I got a deal for you. Since you have a P.E. degree, you can coach basketball and I will run for Senate.’ Lewis has three degrees from West Virginia University in Finance, Accounting and Law.”

They say the best laughs are the ones that last. John Raese will have his laugh after the primary when he knocks down this haughty “captian” [as Hiram misspelled his title].

After Hiram finishes his act, a solitary figure steps into the spotlight and opens the first envelope.

Best Actor

Senator John Unger (D-Berkley). Senator Unger is desperate to get conservative’s support in the upcoming election and it shows. Throughout the legislative session he mirrored the votes of his fellow Senator who, unlike Unger, is a Republican. On almost every vote, Unger would wait for Senator John Yoder (R-Jefferson) to cast his vote so that he could follow suit. If Yoder suddenly switched his vote while the voting machine was still open, Unger would quickly change. It got so apparent, even the doormen of the Senate noticed.

But that feat alone did not ensconce Unger into undisputed first place. He also flooded the Senate on the 40th day of the session, the last day to introduce bills. It is a well-known fact that whenever bills are introduced en masse on the very last day, the bills have no chance of passage. A member only does it so they can go back to the constituents and say they introduced a bill.

While his acting was good enough to earn a Willy Award, only time will tell if the voters are fooled.

Best Supporting Actor

The members of the Senate who voted against Logan’s Law. Every good actor must have a quality team supporting him before he is successful. After Senator Kessler (D-Marshall) gave his speech to kill Logan’s Law, he gained the assistance of many Senators who voted to kill the bill. While some Senators may have been well intentioned, they aided and abetted the Democrat agenda.

Best Director

Governor Joe Manchin. Throughout the session he got everything he wanted, thanks to the Democratic legislative leaders. He reduced the quality requirements for the Director of Mine Safety, killed Logan’s Law, and stopped food sales tax reform – all without getting serious public scrutiny. And to top it off, Manchin stayed hidden just enough so that West Virginians were fooled into believing that the resulting bad legislation was solely the fault of the legislature.

Worst Bill

Senate Bill 123 by Senator John Hunter (D-Monongalia). Affectionately dubbed the “clown bill,” Senator Hunter would have allowed counties to tax all sorts of amusements with up to a 3% tax. To add insult to injury, he would have also taxed monies raised by charity and church fundraisers. [read more here] Thankfully, the bill did not pass.

Best Bill

Senate Bill 674. This tax reduction bill was fully supported by the Republicans but, surprisingly, almost every sponsor was a Democrat. In fact, 18 of 21 Democrats sponsored it and the only Republican sponsor was Karen Facemyer (R-Jackson).

The Republicans loved the bill so much, Senator Clark Barnes (R-Randolph) made a motion to move the bill from the committee where the Democrats were hiding it and onto the floor where everyone could vote on it. The Democrats, to a man, voted against their own bill and shot down the motion.

As I predicted in a previous article, the bill never left its first committee.

Most Notable Quote

“Boys will be boys and girls will be girls,” Senator Jeff Kessler (D-Marshall) said as he shrugged off a 17-year-old and13-year-old having sex.

Best Debate

Senator Clark Barnes (R-Randolph) and Senator Truman Chafin (D-Mingo). Early in the session, Senate Chafin rose to praise the “Democratic Governor,” “Democratic Legislature” and his “Democratic colleagues” for what they did last year — all of which he emphasized were Democrats. He must have said “Democrat” ten times in five sentences.

Senator Barnes (R-Randolph) then stood up and pointed out the fact that last year the legislature enacted laws agreeing with nine points in the West Virginia Republican Party platform. The witty Senator then said he looked forward to working with both sides to enact the remaining goals.

Touché.

–

Thanks to everyone who made the awards possible. The festivities are over and who is left to clean up? In analogy and real-life it is always the West Virginia citizen.