As West Virginians finalize their shopping for Christmas (those of you who have finished already, I hate you), we should not forget our Senators. Yes these citizen-anointed beings deserve gratitude for what they do for and sometimes to us.

Senator Edwin Bowman (D-Hancock)
Senator Bowman is a diehard liberal who sought to wrest the throne from Senate President Earl Ray Tomblin’s capable hands. After scheming for several months to topple the president, Bowman came up very short in the preliminary headcount and decided — after risking annoying the president with his failed insurrection — that he wouldn’t challenge him after all. Perhaps the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” should be handed to the beleaguered Senator this Christmas.

Senator Jesse Guills (R-Greenbrier)
Senator Guills had the fortune of sharing an office suite with outgoing Senator Steve Harrison (R-Kanawha) and the misfortune of having to listen to Harrison’s dismal puns. Just ask anyone who has had contact with him over the last 14 years and they will, to a man, admit his puns stink, stank, and stunk. The bad thing was Harrison knew they were awful and reveled in their odiousness.

Now that Harrison has left, Guills will no longer have the opportunity to hear the painful jokes. That’s why he needs “Worlds Worst Puns.” The editors have scoured the globe to collect the best of the worst puns in existence. Maybe now Guills won’t be too lonely.

Senator John Unger (D-Berkeley)
We know from last election’s scandal where Senator John Unger tried to buy votes with blue books that nothing makes his heart beat quicker than the grand cerulean oracle. Or you could offer to fix his odometer. For the budget conscious a map of the Senator’s district would suffice.

Senator Randy White (D-Webster)
We also learned from the last election about the Senators appreciation for paint. While the canvas may evolve, the fine art of brush and paint is timeless. Something tells me he would enjoy the book, “Rembrandt: The Painter at Work,” whose birthday I share.

Senator Mike Hall (R-Putnam)
The newly elected Senator did everything in his power while he was a delegate to put aside partisan rhetoric and work with the Manchin administration. In return Manchin attempted to beat him up as he successfully ran against Jim Lees. Hall may need some “Tetrasil” which is advertised to help heal first and second degree burns, chemical burns, and all manner of cuts, scrapes and bruises.

Senator Don Caruth (R-Mercer)
The minority leader’s job has to be one of the crummiest positions in any legislature. Not only do you preside over a minority, no matter what you do someone in the caucus is unhappy. As he steps into his new role, the best gift for Senator Caruth is a mega-bottle of Aspirin.

Merry Christmas!